Sep 7, 2011

Uncle Orson Boudlerizes Everything

First of all, thanks to Pat from the Fantasy Hotlist for drawing my attention to this abominable work of bigotry, by posting Scott Lynch's hilarious response to it.

Now, I'm sure if you read this blog (thank you, mom!), you must know of Orson Scott Card - author of the magnificent Ender's Game (Review), as well as Raving Maniacal Homophobe Extraordinaire. What you may not know is that he has taken up the heavy burden of writing a new version of Shakespeare's Hamlet in order to make it more "accessible" (the thing has obviously been around for a few years, but now the impending doom of a new Subterranean ultra expensive edition is upon us). Now, I like dumbing-down great literature as much as the next pretentious guy who really hates it when people do that, but THIS HERE ARTICLE further strengthened my opinion that Uncle Orson needs to see someone about those pesky feelings he's been having.

In the new "accessible" version of Shakespeare's naughty classic, most characterizations and themes have been swept away by the Proprietydozer, with Hamlet turned into an emotionless automaton. But Hamlet's Father apparently reveals a deeper, uglier truth about what is rotten in Denmark - HAMLET'S DAD WAS GAY! And not just your run-of-the-mill friendly neighborhood eternally damned sodomite sinner, but an evil recruiter for the abominable gay lifestyle, having managed to recruit Horatio, Laertes, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern by molesting them in their youth (it's the natural way to recruit children into the gay lifestyle, as Uncle Orson will be quick to tell you here). And what's even worse - it seems the father's decadent choice persists in the afterlife and Hamlet himself is doomed to spend some quality gay time with daddy in Hell. Ouch!

Needless to say the horribleness that is the very existence of this book has not gone unnoticed, and fans raised their concerns loudly enough for Subterranean to actually issue a reply, managing to not say anything at all (what's to say anyway?).

So what do you think? Is Uncle Orson a hero of modern Baudlerization, warning of evil recruiters, trying to infect innocent children with teh gay, or has age really done as irreparable damage to the poor guy's mind as I feel it has?

No comments:

Post a Comment